Budapest, Hungary

I’m aliveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

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Should I go to Budapest?

Hollllllly shit yes. If you’re anything like me then you’ll have a fantastic time but get very little work done.  In fact, forget work – if you’ve made it this far then it’s time to cut loose.

Budapest was an absolutely crazy place to visit for both the party scene and general affordability. We’re talking 6 euros a night for a hostel and 5 euros a night for food (Similar to Prague) which makes for some seriously cheap living if you’re earning in £’s and spending in Forint’s.

The party hostels Retox, Vitae and Grandio are all nuts. I met some of the most amazing characters and bonded with some truly incredible people. There were also some right wrong-uns.

What were the best bits for you?

Nightlife, prices, banter

Can i see more pictures?

Of course: http://www.instagram.com/how_not_to_travel

Where should i stay?

if you want to lose yourself in debauchery: Retox, if you want to dip in and out of the madness: Vitae. If you want to wallow in your own sweat and regrets: Grandio. (There’s an ‘anal room’.)

Where can i work?

Hah.

Is Budapest good for remote works?

Absolutely not.

What should i do in Budapest?

Different drinking event on at all the hostels every single day – check these out (Boat party, bar crawls, bus party, jagertrain etc etc), explore Margeret island on the river between buda and pest, swing by the Hosok Tere (a historic square), check out the view of the city from on top of Gellert hill, go climbing in the catacombs below the city, check out Europe’s second-biggest parliament and go mooch at one of the bathhouses.

Cock up count: 8 (A new record)

Ran out of money so had to lean on friends (THANKS JEFF & VIKTOR), performed an average open mic because i’d been drinking solidly for 4 days and not really sleeping, got lost in the city without my phone, was slapped pretty solidly by this jilted American girl who licked her hand first (?!), lost loads of stuff, was so confused by day 5 i followed the wrong people into this shady club thinking it was the pub crawl, got my flight date wrong, booked a really early flight so had to sleep in the airport.

Learn from me

  • Visit Budapest to party, not work
  • Pack things in an easy to access way so you can find things from your locker easily without repacking it every morning (So frustrating) and as an added bonus you won’t lose stuff
  • It turns out the slap hurts more if people lick their hands first. Who knew?
  • Make some bad decisions with some good people, that’s part of living  😀

Budapest story

I blind booked Retox party hostel for five nights having heard from some friends that this was ‘the place to be’ for Halloween but had absolutely no idea what i was getting myself into.

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After an uneventful bus journey from Vienna, i arrived at the hostel around 7pm and stepped across the dilapidated threshold into a bar full of half-naked 20year olds yelling at each other over their drinks.

‘Hm.’

The host led me up some stairs and sat me down in a common room. The speech was short: ‘There is one rule, no drugs – apart from that almost anything goes. We encourage debauchery  – oh and don’t expect to sleep whilst you’re here.’

I recorded this shortly after the speech: https://vimeo.com/307476918

They weren’t kidding, every morning we were woken up to the banging of brooms on lockers and loud hoovering – all of which paled in comparison to the gut-wrenching squeals coming from the portable speakers hanging from the shorts of hostel staff as they cleaned our rooms. (This happened religiously at around 11am when the bar opened and the general pass out time was 6/7am)

Despite the above, the staff were all absolute legends and made sure the trip was madness from start to finish, they were incredibly approachable and knew how to lead the party.

Still though – i was relieved that back up was en route as i’d made plans to link back up with some of the crew from Vienna and Prague…


It’s hard to encapsulate the madness that was our brief stay at Retox. The day some of us arrived Red Bull were filming the hostels latest record attempt for the world’s longest jager train. We failed in one sense but it was pretty clear the real purpose was to give everyone alcohol poisoning. Within an hour of arriving i’d skulled 4 jager bombs and a pint ‘to catch up’ with a friend who had arrived the previous night.

This particular pal was embracing the madness in classic form – he had a bottle of jager balanced precariously in one arm and was wearing tight denim shorts, a cowboy hat and a whip which he was periodically cracking at anyone who got too close. At some point we got hold of a marker pen to brand him a ‘cum slut’ and he still pulled. Like, every night.

Within a few hours, everyone was getting crazy wavy and i found myself shirtless, with a lovely lady on one arm and another two jagerbombs dangling from my fingers. I was also starting to lose the fear, maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all?


Right, what else. The boat party (at least the one run by the chain of hostels i stayed in) was pretty damn good. The view of Europes second largest parliament was awesome, check out the pic below.

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The music was insane and the unlimited drinks package was exactly what the doctor ordered. Everyone in my group pulled and/or got hilariously drunk and this led to several funny stories.

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  1. The incident with the pissy slipper
  2. The incident with the soiled trousers
  3.  The incident with the angry Australian vs the taxi driver

Other fantastic nights were the ruin bar crawl which took you around these bars based in revamped ancient buildings and a Halloween party which still leaves me wincing at the hangover.

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To underscore the above – If you’re single Budapest is a good place to be. Sex is just a poorly executed pick up line away.

That said, of course the city is more than just party central, there is some really beautiful architecture and a rich backdrop of  Hungarian history to discover. Check it out.

Anyway. FINALLY wrote this post – new one on Spain (Barcelona) due next week – PROMISE. 😀

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